Don't Be Too Hard on Yourself - Lesson from the Fry Chronicles

Stephen Fry is a very successful man by any standards.  But reading the latest instalment of his autobiography gives you the chance to see how well he matches up to his own standards.  And the answer is pretty well.  But there is a paradox.  He is well aware of how well he has done, but he is also well aware of his own shortcomings.


By Fry's own admission he is shallow, lacks self control, has never focused on anything long enough to become truly great at it and is somewhat embarrassed by the riches that have come his way for what seems to him to be relatively little effort.

So is he a tortured artist tormented by inner demons who rob him of any pleasure in life?   Hardly.  He complains that his face always looks smug and there is nothing he can do about it.  But he has plenty to be smug about.  And in fact satisfaction with ones own achievements is only a crime in the eyes of those of us who envy others because of our own failures.  The Fry Chronicles are full of anecdotes that are a joy to read mainly because the author obviously takes great joy in recounting them and must have thoroughly enjoyed the events themselves.  He even takes pleasure in something as simple as using his fax machine to do a minor favour for Stephen Sondheim. All in all, a happy life.

All this, coupled with Fry's hugely readable prose style, makes the Fry Chronicles a superbly entertaining read.  Or if you really want a treat get the audible version which comes with his brilliant delivery and uncanny gift for mimicry as well.  But is there something to learn from it too?

I think there is.  Stephen Fry's favourite subject is Stephen Fry.  This could easily be tedious, but it isn't.  He is always frank about his shortcomings, which is refreshing.  But he does it in a way that is very forgiving of himself, affectionate even.  He started out with very low self esteem.  Indeed he still doesn't seem to have too much of the stuff.  But he doesn't do self loathing.  Self awareness is nearer, but still doesn't fully capture it.  Neither does self indulgence - though this whole book could accurately be described as a self indulgence.  (He hardly needs the money.)  It is more a sort of informed self acceptance.

Fry's attitude to himself seems to be one of knowing he isn't perfect but liking himself anyway.  This is an attitude a lot of us have towards our friends.  Maybe we should extend it to ourselves.   It seems like a pretty healthy frame of mind.