It isn't always easy to live up to your ideals. Christians often sin. Socialists can be very anti-social. Exponents of the virtues of the free market are often surprisingly short of cash. One of my personal ideals is social solidarity, which if it means anything at all must mean being positive about one's fellow human beings. It is of course easy enough to be sympathetic about distant tragedies unfolding on the television. And I have no problem with my friends. The sticky bit is people I come across who seem to do nothing but frustrate and annoy me.
This isn't a new problem of course, human nature doesn't change very much. Here are the thoughts of Marcus Aurelius on coping with other people.
Begin each day telling yourself you will encounter hardships from others due to their ignorance of what is good or evil, and realising that you do know the good so they can't harm you for they can't implicate you in what is degrading. You can't be angry with him for that is obstruction and it is against Nature's Law to obstruct your brothers. We were born to work together.
That sums it up rather nicely. He not only identifies that other people are a problem, but makes clear that we should all be working together to help one another. But it isn't easy. And as I say, although human nature doesn't change the circumstances we find ourselves in do. Globalisation has made direct contact with people we are connected with much less likely. I drink tea every day but my only notion of what a tea plantation even looks like comes from a television advert. The current neoliberal trend also undermines human relationships. It encourages us to think of ourselves as customers and consumers rather than as members of a community.
But lets get down to the practical. How do I go about putting my belief in human solidarity into practice.
It is relatively easy with people you meet on a casual basis. I make a point of asking cashiers at supermarkets when their shift ends, or whether today has been particularly busy. I also try to get advice from people with whom I am dealing. Everyone likes being treated as an expert. This also has the beneficial side effect that I get a lot of good advice.
The big issue is people you work with and do serious business with. Trying to like everyone can be a real challenge in this setting. I can usually find some quality to admire and respect in most people. And it is good to be generous in your view of others. But praising person x in the presence of person y can sometimes be a problem - even more commonly failing to join in the enumeration of x's failings can arouse suspicions. You definitely don't want to get drawn into cliques or treated as someones ally, or worse their stooge. Organisations are full of internal politics, and even if you don't choose to participate in them you will still be affected by them.
I don't think that every situation has a solution, or at least there have been situations that I have not been able to solve. I can remember being so badly let down by a coworker that I still can't bring myself to talk to them more than a decade later and long after we have ceased to work together.
But most of the time playing it straight and being positive is not only possible, it is also the approach that leads to the most stress free life. Letting people annoy you gives them a lot of power over you. So don't let them. And we are all in the same boat trying to struggle with the same things.
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